It's seems like for months now that the title of this post describes my life. I don't know if it was that the timing of this baby was a surprise or that I have four other children to take care of, or that I'm just getting too old to be pregnant. This pregnancy has really been rough and I keep thinking that the light is just around the bend just to find that it is still out of reach. I still feel horrible eventhough I'm 18 weeks. Yes, I know that things are a little better because I can actually get out of bed and do things. Yet still it is a daily struggle to get out of bed and accomplish anything. I really feel and see the toll it is taking on my family. My kids are troppers but still dealing with a sick and tired mom that has no patience is no walk in the park! Josh is swamped at work trying to solve everyone's problems (litterally). He has had so many rapes of children and child abuse cases that they have really taken a toll on him. How do we get back on track because that is what it feels like. It feels like our train has derailed and we are using so much effort to move but make little progress.
Today I got my hair cut and colored and I brought the Ensign to read. I think I cried or at least teared up as I read every article. Yes, I know that I am hormonal but I know that it was mostly The Spirit. Elder Uchtdorf's talk was just what I needed. He spoke about how people, when they hit hard times sometimes try to go faster to try and make it through the rough spot faster. This is wrong. It is times like these that we need to slow down and focus on what is important. It was like music to my ears~ slow down and not go faster! We need to focus on our relationship with God, with our family, with our fellowmen and with ourselves. So, that is what I am going to do. Slow down and focus on what really matters until we can put this train back on track.
I am so thankful for the Gospel and for living prophets who recieve revelation for what we are going through today!
24 weeks-6 months
1 month ago